Led Through Despair
by Mega-Melfina
Summary: COMPLETE A story of a girl who meets all the Endless in trying times in her life.  Rated R for some violence and rape.


_The Sandman and all characters belong to Neil Gaiman and DC Comics._

The place smelled; like medicine and chemicals and dying people. My room was clean and bright, but I hate it. It's too white. There's no color. I like colors, lots of bright colors. But my room is blank, empty. The only colors are my hospital gown, which is light blue, and my blanket spread over the cot, which is brown. Outside my room's window is the picture of a beautiful spring day, filled with color and light. I wish I was out there, basking in all the colors.  
I guess I'm in here because I knew them all. They say they don't exist, but I know better, I know they do. I met them all. All seven. Or eight, I guess. I know them all now. They think I'm crazy, but I'm not. You've probably seen them too, you know. You've probably seen quite a few of them without even realizing it.

I guess it started with Destiny. Of course, because he sees everything and everyone. I think, anyway. Or maybe his book does. But knowingly, he watches me. Sometimes I can see him, hidden behind his brown cloak with that heavy book chained to his wrist. He's blind, you know. But he still sees everything. He doesn't need eyes to see. I'll be in his book forever, because I'm me. His book will always have me, my memories, my life. He's the first Endless I met. He's still with me, even now. Even though I'm locked in here, with people who don't believe me. He watches them, too. He watches everyone.

When I was real young, I met Delight. She was small, like me. We would play together, because I was so lonely. I think that is why she found me. To make me feel happy, to relieve some of my loneliness. We played in the brook and ran in the woods, we picked flowers and built forts. There were so many colors, and everything was so fun with her. But one day, after I turned ten, Delight was gone. I was worried about her. I was just lonely again, alone without any friends. I wondered about Delight, and where she went. She took all the color with her. But life went on.  
I lived with my mother in a real small town. I was shy. I didn't have any friends. But still I went to the local high school and tried to go on with my life. I hadn't seen an Endless is almost seven years by then.

And then, when I was just turning 18, it hit our small town. This is where I met the big, burly man - Destruction. He looked so friendly and nice. But. . .everyone started dying when he came around. It was an epidemic, I guess. School closed because so many people were dying. My fellow students were dying. My teachers were already dead. I waited for Destruction to come for me, to infect me like everyone else, but he would just smile at me knowingly. Me and my mom would just stay home, locked securely inside. My neighbors began to die too. Destruction went in and came out, leaving wreckage in his wake. Sometimes, I saw another figure, but at that time I didn't know who it was. I wouldn't meet them until later. After Destruction left the homes and touched the people, they would get sick. They would vomit up blood, and their skin would begin to sag. Then it fell off, and they died. They began to decompose. I liked to draw the bodies. I wanted to catch death as it was happening, to catch it in the act.  
Eventually, my mom got sick too. I went in the house and it smelled funny. I went upstairs to see my mother, lying on her bed, surrounded by blood and bile. Her skin was pale and it was beginning to sag off of her face. I cleaned the sheets and washed her. I took care of her until she fell asleep, and then I lay in my own smaller bed, wide awake. The next morning, she was dead. Her eyes had sunken into her head, and her lips were cracked and blue. I didn't want to draw her. I covered her gently with the sheets and left home. I couldn't stay. I think Destruction left then, too.

I ended up lost. I slept in abandoned homes and hotels in cities I didn't know. That was where I met Dream, obviously. I think. . .I think he felt my pain. Dream knows pain. When I slept, he was there. He would take me to the stars, or a lush meadow; anywhere pleasant and fun. It was comforting. I liked seeing someone else. Even though he was dark and sometimes scary, I was all alone in the real world. Dream was at least someone I could be with.  
I walked and walked. I followed the highway, hoping to soon reach a city with people. I walked past empty cars and buildings. Finally, after walking for days, I reached it. A large city, with people bustling to and fro. There were people in cars, people in the buildings, and people walking. They all wore medical masks and gloves. I cried. I couldn't believe there were other people, alive, so close I could touch them. I think that's when I passed out. I was just so tired, so hungry...

When I woke up, all I could see was dark colors. My vision was blurry. My arm tingled and felt heavy. A man's face appeared before me as I tried to clear my mind. He came in and out of focus as I came to.  
"I gave you the immunization shot." He said, glancing at my arm. I couldn't speak; my voice was too hoarse. I tried to move, but somehow, I was tied down. The man smiled, but it wasn't a nice smile. Not like Destruction's. I got scared. I wanted to get away from him, to be anywhere else. I bucked against my restraints, but they were very tight.  
"You're a pretty girl. I bet you're all alone." I trembled, lying on the hard wooden cot. I heard about this kind of thing from girls at school. Men would try to force them to do things. They always got away, laughing at the men's failed attempts. I felt a tear fall from my cheek; how could I get away when I was tied down?  
"Now don't cry. I'm just going to get my payment for taking care of you." I whimpered quietly, choking on my tears. He brushed my face, and I jerked away from him touch. He laughed and some of his spit landed on my cheek. I wanted badly to brush it away, but my hands wouldn't reach. I watched as the man reached into his jeans and pulled out a switchblade.  
"Don't move. I wouldn't want to cut you by accident." I held my breath as he cut off my worn, grimy t-shirt and gray pants. He cut my black bra through the middle and threw it to the floor. My breasts were exposed; the air was cold on my skin. He smiled, more to them then at me. Then he slid down my small panties, cutting them when they were down by my ankles. I shivered, fully naked now.  
"Don't worry, baby. You're not going to be cold long." He unzipped his pants and threw off his white t-shirt. He slid down his pants and boxers to reveal himself, already long and hard. A figure appeared behind him. It had short, auburn hair and golden eyes. I shivered as he turned his eyes on me. The gold color pierced through me. Desire was the coldest of the Endless. I don't think he has any feeling. Just that one cruel feeling of lust. The figure stood behind the man, as if guiding him. I cringed. I didn't know what this would even feel like. Would it hurt me? I could feel myself shivering from fear.  
"No." I whispered as he came closer to me, grinning, eyes clouded with lust. Suddenly, I heard another voice from above me. I looked up, and there she was. Delirium. She is the one who changed me the most, I think. She is also my favorite. She is the one who is also inside me, her impact lasting within my soul. She hung off a beam, reaching her hand out to me. Her hair was orange with colorful highlights, and her mismatched eyes glinted playfully. She wore a worn pink sweater and holey jeans.  
"Come up here with me?" She asked, her voice the tinkling of bells. I looked to see if the man had heard her. He hadn't. As I watched him, he began to spread my legs, reaching with dirty fingers to touch my sensitive spot. I looked back at the girl. Now, colored fish surrounded her, reaching down to me as well. She smiled at me, and the smile made me trust her. I felt pain below as the man entered me roughly. Quickly, I took Delirium's hand and then there were all kinds of colors and fishies and finally, darkness.

The man was gone when I woke up. The room was pitch black; the day had come and gone as well. I was still naked, but no longer restrained. I could feel fluid leaking out of me, staining my inner thigh. I began to cry, and I retched over the side of the cot onto the floor. After I calmed down, I found some old towels to wrap around my naked body, covering my shame. I left the empty building and entered the streets of the dark city. Stars were dim and faded above my head. People stared at me as I walked by, eyes concerned but unwilling to help. I found a hidden corner against an old apartment building and lay down. I guess then I drifted off. Dream was still there when I slept. With him were the fish. I could hear Delirium's voice, singing happily about doggies, fish, and fireflies. I was comforted in my colorful dream. I don't think I ever wanted to wake up.  
When I did, everything was covered in shadow. Despair was there then, and that was the worst time of my life. There was no joy, there was no light. There were no colors. I was alone. I was only comforted in my dreams. In my dreams, I could see Delirium and Dream. They would tell me stories. Delirium would tell me about how she used to be Delight, and she remembered playing with me. Dream would weave me pictures of beautiful landscapes. In my dreams, I was safe. That's why I did what I did. One day, when I was awake and in the dark shadows, I realized I never wanted to wake up again. I wasn't clean, mentally and physically. I was starving, and always thirsty. No one would help me. Basically, I was dying alone. So I decided to end it now, to sleep forever.  
I found a dirty broken beer bottle, and took off a chunk of glass. I curled up in my alley and cut. I cut into my wrists, watching the blood bubble up and pour over my arms in a thick waterfall. I kept cutting until my arms were bleeding and raw and I could no longer hold the piece of glass. Finally, I felt everything begin to slip away. My vision dimmed. In the darkness of my mind, I saw her. The last Endless. She came to me, and I knew who she was. I cried in relief, begged for her to take me. But she frowned.  
"It isn't your time yet." Her eyes were dark, yet they sparkled beautifully.  
"But. . .I don't want to be here anymore!" I began to sob, blindly reaching for her. I shook my head angrily at her, but through watery eyes I could see it was to no avail. Death just smiled sadly at me. Her lips were colored dark and they curled up at the sides.  
"I'm sorry. But you'll see me again. I promise." She winked at me. It surprised me out of my sobs. "Besides, you have to live. You aren't useless, you know." She turned and walked away, her black boots squeaking as she moved. Darkness overwhelmed me, and everything was silent.

This time when I woke up, I was here. In this very hospital bed, with my arms stitched up to the elbows and an IV plugged into my neck. I'm still here, not with stitches but scars on my arms instead, because I can't leave. I don't have a home, I don't have any family left. I work though, right here in the hospital, so someday I will buy a house and get out of here, get out of this white institution where there is no color, no cheer.  
And of course, Death was right. Now I have a reason to be here. Because in my quiet hospital room, there is a crib. And in that white crib is my beautiful daughter. Maybe I wasn't ready to have her, but I know that couldn't have been helped. Maybe I never would have been ready. It doesn't matter now.  
I will take my child and raise her right, and love her, and care for her, because I _do_ love her. I love her more then anything else I have ever known. Because my experiences have made me a stronger person, I think. By meeting them, the Endless, I have experienced so much, grown so much. And I know now what I need to do in order to be happy. Sometimes I still see them. Usually only in my dreams. I still see Dream, the tall, handsome man who tried to make my life easier while I slept. Delirium, who was giggly and silly when I was lost; she brought color and happiness to my life. Sometimes, I see Destruction, with his sad and knowing smile. And sometimes, I catch a glimpse of her, Death. And she turns away smiling, and I know it is not my time yet.  
I feel stronger. The Endless have given me strength. Even though their worlds are crowded and crying for attention, they managed to bring happiness and strength to a single, lost, lonely girl. Me.


End file.
